Nowadays more people get or stay single, also after divorcing or after a series of short relationships. It’s not always easy to be single. The pressure of friends, family and how to deal with feelings of being alone or even lonely are all contributing to not feeling optimal.
There can be also a deeper problem that comes from single living for a long time. Next to relational loneliness it can also become an intimacy loneliness. This need for intimacy especially when growing up, after 18 years, can be struggling, to find the right interpretation of how you can coop in a healthy way with your sexuality and self image. Some people might flee into pornography or short term relationships or even one night stands. Also the sexualization of society and women in general makes that women can come to believe that being sexualized is actually a positive thing to want, as it gives admiration from men and repulsion and jealousy from other women. This however doesn’t mean it is always healthy for your own self worth in the long term. This behavior comes from a lack of self esteem and guidance. What to do, who to talk to, what do your friends do, and the taboo to talk to even your own parents sometimes.
The intimacy loneliness can drive people towards some kind of sexual obsession or dysfunctional behavior, if you look at it from a traditional healthy perspective, where marriage or living a harmonious loving and sexual live is balanced. Nowadays there are all kinds of directions in sexual liberty, but it doesn’t mean that everything you can think of or everything that is shown in pornography is supposed to be healthy at all.
The healthier ways to coop are mostly a finding people to talk to, or finding a stable relationship. Some people find their guidance through religion, but not everyone can handle this, and not everyone understands these things, and not everyone chooses to do so or is even raised in a religion. Also, the sometimes summier knowledge that religion is describing about this behavior doesn’t always give sense and guidance.
In religion for example it is said to fast when you feel sexual desire, and it is also said to marry young, and it is also said to put your gaze down when meeting someone you might be attracted to, and so there are more rules that define how men and women should interact with each other if they are not having a sexual relationship with each other. These rules work up to a certain point, when you are not confronted with different opinions and people that are having different standards of interactions.
Intimacy loneliness can also lead to deviant thoughts about sexuality, different paraphilia’s, unfulfilled desires and obsession, especially combined with social anxiety and the lack of social skills to express your feelings in a productive way. Dealing healthy with sexual feelings can also be creative arts in some ways. Some people express sexual frustration in their need to eat a lot or certain food or all kinds of food, too satisfy their inner need for intimacy.
It’s not that easy to overcome intimacy loneliness by yourself. The healthiest is still to build a suitable and nurturing relationship with another human being. Sometimes you can be happy and look at the positive side, but at the end of the day it is wonderful to have someone to share your life, dreams and hopes with!
Do you need someone to understand and talk to, or to give you new insight in how to coop and make a better plan for yourself? You can schedule an appointment now and we can talk about your needs and wants!
Are you interested to try out this new way of coaching and counselling, feel free to send me a message to make an appointment.